How to Keep Your Relationship
From
a Breakup
by Susie and Otto Collins, Relationship Coaches
Most of us at one time or another have experienced a relationship
breakup
or
divorce. Although no one wants that for their experience, it does happen
and there are some ways to prevent it from happening to you.
How do you save your relationship from a breakup?
If we were your personal coaches, our relationship advice that we would
give is that the two of you take the time and energy you need to begin
focusing
on your relationship and its health.
Whether you need marriage advice
or dating advice,
the information in this article
should help you move in a positive direction to keep your relationship vibrant
and
alive.
To help you with this process, we'll give you our top ways to keep your relationship
from breaking up:
1. Make each person's expectations clear for the
relationship and expect differences.
The people who unconsciously or consciously
think that just because they expect certain
things from
the relationship and each other, their partner expects the same. They
set
themselves up for overt conflicts or sullen withdrawal
by not getting those differences
on the table, honoring
and accepting them. It's even possible to have fun
with differences
if you look at them in a conscious way.
If you share your expectations in advance, you'll stop
jealousy
and possibly
infidelity and
divorce from
happening. If you expect to be treated a certain way,
make sure that you
don't assume that your partner knows. Tell the other person that this is
the way you'd like
to be treated and listen to how your partner wants to be treated.
2. Learn how to
communicate effectively.
For many couples, lack of communication is a big
issue. One person may agree to do something just
to keep the peace and another person may
be
wanting to be loved and appreciated in a certain way but are not willing to
say how.
To improve communication, make sure that each
of you listens to understand each other. This
is a
skill that you have to learn to do because most of
us weren't taught how.
Listening to understand means listening with your
full attention, being entirely present with the
other
person, without becoming defensive about what
each other is saying.
No, it's not easy to do but when you are able to
do it, the two of you will become closer,
more
connected and more loving. We suggest you
start by giving your partner your undivided attention and see how
trust grows
between you.
3. Address old fears when they surface.
Most people in relationship experience fears
from
the past. These might include fearing not
being good enough, attractive enough, wealthy
enough or even feelings of abandonment.
If fears are not looked at and healed, they
interfere in some way or another with the health
of every relationship. Take some time to notice
when the fears surface, be loving with yourself
but look inward instead of outward.
Ask yourself if your fears are "true" or are you
just making "stories" up in your head. If you are
creating those "stories" and there's no basis of
truth to them, then change your thinking. It's not
always easy to do and it takes moment by moment
monitoring of your thoughts. If you need help
and
support to make the changes you want in your life,
be courageous enough to get it.
4. Deal with existing challenges in a conscious way.
Most couples avoid looking at and doing
something
about the problems that exist in their relationships--flirting with other people,
jealousy,
lack of passion,
lack of common interests, to name a few.
What problems need to be addressed? Does one
or both of you want to spend more time together?
If you do, how can this happen without blaming
each other? Do you need to appreciate each
other a little more? If so, in what ways can both
of you show appreciation to each other?
5. Make sure you each understand, value and
appreciate each other.
Everyone wants to feel
understood, valued, loved
and appreciated and when we're not, we tend to
either withdraw or
attack the other person for not
meeting our needs. If you want to be appreciated,
start appreciating
the other people in your life.
Sounds simplistic but it really works!
If you are not feeling loved, start being open to
seeing and feeling love and appreciation that people
are giving you that you may not be aware of in
your daily life. It may be that someone allows
you to
go ahead of them in traffic or tells you
to go ahead in a grocery line. Send some
appreciation back
to them and to everyone around
you and watch love snowball in your life. For more relationship tips, visit
http://www.relationshipgold.com
and our blog
http://www.SusieandOtto.com
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